I have been sitting on this blog for two months. Why, because I was stuck on the title. Then I got on my flight this morning to Hawaii, opened a book I have seen saving for this day - knowing it would make the 11 1/2 hour flight from Newark to Honolulu a pleasure. The books opens with this “Reading is when I inhale, Writing is when I exhale”. Holy Shitballs - that is what I have been needing all this time? To exhale, I need to write - not read. I have been inhaling a shitstorm for months, stuffing more air in there ready to explode and not sure how to stop. So here goes.
It was Friday, October 14th, I was leading the 9:30am yoga class in Maple Shade. I was tired both physically, spiritually and energetically. I had not been sleeping, the pending election and all the press from the candidates was taking up way too much space in my life. I was at times paralyzed by reading the news. I gave up watching the news years ago - but all of a sudden reading it was all I was doing. I replaced all of my books with news. Yahoo News, CNN News, I even went to Fox News a few times to see what the other side was reading, wondering if they actually knew about Donald Trump and what the religious right had to say about him. Then I would go to bed angry at all the Godly people - feeling like I didn’t belong to them anymore either. At the end of that yoga class, I asked the community of students to end class with the word Namaste’. This word means “The Light inside of me, honors the Light inside of You”. ALL OF YOU. Even those who will vote for Donald Trump. I almost choked, I actually could only whisper it, because I felt like the biggest fraud that ever lived. Hypocrite screamed at myself.
I left that class rocked to my core. I felt Shame, big time. I said to myself “Wanda, you can’t say that word Namaste' unless you mean it. You can’t make a profession with your voice when it isn’t the truth. I have never been able to hide from my truth EVER.
It follows me everywhere I go. I decided to go home and meditate. You see, God speaks to me when I meditate. I open the door to him. I needed to hear him, as my evangelical christian friends voice no longer spoke to me. He said to me “Wanda, you know there is a Light inside every human I created. Even Donald Trump. Now my daughter, work at softening your heart to his presidency and accept what you can not change." WHOA! Holy Shit (literally).
So my next class I was to lead was Monday - I ended the class the same way. I would close my eyes, hands at my heart and say the words Namaste’. The students had no idea how each time I said it, I was healing a whole deep inside my being, that I was letting go of judgment and pain with this word. Donald Trump and the man I perceive him to be is the opposite of all I want my sons to grow up to be, I had to let that go. It was an inner battle, but I had to honor Gods Light in this man or stop staying the word.
Namaste’ Namaste’ Namaste’....over and over I would say it. I would begin my classes with this manifestation to each person in the room. I said it until I felt it so freaking hard. It became a big love fest inside me.
What began on that Friday was a Divine healing. This manifestation I set softened me. It allowed me to be of acceptance of whatever the outcome of the election would be
as well as acceptance of all the students who walked in the door. I didn’t need to know who they were voting for - because I honored their Light. Period end of sentence. I choose this. I felt this. It drew me out of the abyss.
As we all know the outcome of this election, yes I felt sad on November 4th. Yes, I supported Hillary Clinton to the end and would do so again. Yes, I stand for my daughters and everyones daughters. Yes, I will fight for them. Yes, I will make my voice heard - but I have to be a NO as well. No, I will not judge and I will not frown upon those who feel differently. I will stay open to recognize their light and I hope they can do the same for me.
I encourage you the next time you take a yoga practice, think of the word Namaste’ when you say it. What hole of judgement, resentment, loss of love can it heal. Say it loud - feel it in your deepest space called your God Space....Center of your Heart.