I am 8 hours away from my flight to Tulum Mexico to lead my first Yoga Retreat in a beautiful retreat center Amansala Eco-Chic Resort &Yoga Retreat. (look it up, you may need this in your life).
Five years ago I wrote a goal: By December 31, 2017 I will have led a yoga retreat @ Amansala in Tulum Mexico. Simple. Direct. Clear. But not really…..as life of a mom of four children and an owner of three yoga studios creates a very full & fulfilled life. I lose track of my goals sometimes.
This week I felt distracted & overwhelmed. You name it and it has come up. A child with what feels like a serious skin condition worsening, another child who feels anxiety over her workload and back pain that debilitates her, and then another child who is heading into a Championship baseball game for his school and has always had Mom sitting on the first base line as his biggest cheerleader and she will be gone……that is my reality. Also, I am in the middle of Leadership Training at SHINE, feel some guilt leaving during the training. So many reasons that could steal my JOY over reaching this goal.
I wrote this vision and goal four and a half years ago - but it actually sparked 10 years ago…I was at my second Level 1 with Baron Baptiste in Tulum. We were on a silent meditation walk in the morning on the beach and we passed by a resort called Amansala with all these women doing “bootcamp stuff” on the beach and laughing - having a great time. I looked up and saw a yoga shala overlooking the ocean and thought “I need to be here…..I need to lead a yoga retreat in this spot”. I felt it in my bones.....like way down deep.
As I write this, I feel overwhelmed, incompetent, fear, love, joy, excitement. I sacrifice being present with those I love the most to do this, but I also know I can choose a different kind of being Present. Each day this week leading to the retreat, I sit and remind myself of my vision and goal. It would be so easy for me to get stuck in the stressed and overwhelmed, but I refuse it. I share my excitement with my kids and their eyes light up! They ask the best questions ever.....like am I going fishing (no the answer is NO, I do not choose fishing). These awesome humans actually confirm my commitment to my goal. I am also comforted knowing that friends will drive Jude to his baseball tournament this weekend & the other parents will cheer him on, I know friends will help Madi get to from/work, & that our community loves on my teenagers. I know Troy will have fun with all his practices and sleepovers scheduled. I am thankful for Skype and FaceTime, texting, emojis, email and Game Changer. I can stay connected…..I can still be Present.
One discussion I had this week grounded me. A girlfriend said “You always encourage your children to “GO FOR IT” to move towards their goals, go BIGGER and not let fear or doubt get in the way. When they are stuck you encourage them to do the next right thing. You are demonstrating this by reaching for your big goals & showing them the way”.
All week I reminded myself to enjoy the ride (about 100 times) and I am committed to doing that - only that. I know I am on the right path - this Yoga Retreat is part of my BIGGER.