Leaning IN to Bliss
Who Am I? I am Wanda
Who is She? Today I felt complicated & annoying. Today I also felt connected & relaxed.
I get on auto-pilot, writing a script over and over again in my head. I need to remind myself to lean INTO this process and recognize the patterns that do not serve me, even when I tell myself I am not doing it.
In my morning yoga practice, the teacher Cun taught a class that he showed up prepared for, he was a confident & connected leader. He demonstrated what he was leading and he walked around the room and gave gentle assists. For the first 20 minutes all I did was feedback him in my head. He would say many cues and not call the pose, he would hold the postures for about 10 seconds and count in Spanish and then say “Perfect” (with a long drawn out rolling r) and that meant go to the next pose. It was breaking up my rhythm and I was picking him apart word for word. My inner dialogue was “just say the pose” “stop cueing so much and get us there” “stop saying PERRRRRRFECT”. I want to be here very much and I wanted my yoga practice very much......and my lightbulb moment happened when I said to myself “Wanda, your an ass, why not lean into this practice, be a student 100% and allow things to happen, stop controlling, he isn’t in teacher training, he is gifting you with his presence and talents”. Yes, I called myself an Ass and yes that doesn’t feel loving, but I was being an Ass, plain and simple. Yogis can be an ass sometimes.....
In that moment of being real with myself, I made over analyzing and being critical a hard stop. I think I lost 100lbs of baggage. I left lighter than I arrived to that class. After the yoga practice Cun asked me if I have been there before, because he recognized me. I said Yes, I have lead retreats here in the past and we had met. The result was we really connected. I thanked him for being my teacher and hope he leads again during my stay here.
Lessons of Day Two: hear the inner dialogue, actually HEAR it. I have been tapping into all the places in my life I over work, over indulge, over talk, over avoid and until yesterday I didn’t realize I am over critical. That I at times use the powerful work of Baptiste Methodology against myself and others, that I was not embodying my work, but just steeped in constantly maneuvering it.
I gave myself permission to SIMPLIFY, Lean In, Purely Listen and to not fix anything
Leaning IN to Bliss