Reaching for Bliss
Who am I? I am Wanda.
Who is she? I feel complicated.
I love people, but do not like to socialize.
I love my work, serving others, but yearn to be away from it all.
I love my family intensely, but feel the need to be away from everyone’s needs.
I asked for this time away as my Christmas gift, it was lovingly given, now I feel guilt.
I have committed to write when I am here. I am attending a Beach & Bliss Retreat In Olde Tulum, my favorite place in the world, it is located very south, as south as you can go in the Yucatán. Belize is in the distance. This is where I connect to the Mayan culture, food, drum sounds, monkeys, lizards, tarantulas, warm ocean water, breathtaking natural Cenotes, Shaman ceremonies & incredibly intense sunshine.
Tonight as I lay down to rest at 10pm, I struggle with my commitment to my family and my SHINE staff to not work. I doubt my decision, I say to myself “just read emails, that isn’t truly working”.....which I do and one thing leads to another. 1 am still awake, wondering how to problem solve a couple emails that are bothering me. This is followed by my anger at myself for doing this.....the constant spiral of my passion of healing and serving mixing into my pores, brain & time to connect to who I am. I get out of bed, take all devices to the other side of the room, turn on the ceiling fan, open all the windows wide so the ocean sounds and wind can come in. I meditate and commit to recommit to MYSELF
This morning I awaken to guilt for last night, quickly realize, to forgive myself is part of the process. I text my MadiMoo to tell her I love her (she is hearing back from Universities this week with decisions). As I drink my morning coffee (by the way in Tulum ALL PEOPLE drink Mayan Coffee, it is strong and has no tones off bitterness, just delicious), I prepare for my yoga practice with Cun, a beautiful Mayan Yogi who plays the flute, drums and yukelele. The vinyasa is WAAAAAY more gentle than I would lead myself, it is slow, methodical, intentional and by the end, exactly what I needed to nurture my aching body.
“May All Beings Be Happy & Free” is one of my favorite chants, mantras. The second sentence is “And May I contribute to the Happiness and Freedom of all”. I get stuck on the second sentence and make it my life mantra, to serve and provide space for others to experience happiness and freedom. Today I decided to sing over and over 108 times just the first sentence. Setting myself FREE of guilt, pain (emotional and physical), self doubt, overwork. I am including ME in the ALL BEINGS!!!!!
Reaching for Bliss